Lucky

My sister flew in last Friday….the days have flown by and today I must say goodbye to her….I enjoy her visiting….we laugh like little girls and she makes my K happy by being here to watch her accomplishments….and what a weekend we had…

Her horse Lucky was pretty anxious the first day and they struggled but he did the jumps…just was hard to control him he was so wound up….but the next day….

She won a blue ribbon….first place…in jumping…the smile…even though we were on day 2 of being at the fairgrounds since dawn…sunburned and tired…you couldnt miss the smile…

Our sweet Lucky…my K loves him…even though he is a bit nervous…and together they did it and I cried and of course…so proud…it really didnt matter to me if they got blue…I just wanted them to get through the course and no one get hurt…lol…

Anyways…we have been to cookouts…the weather here is gorgeous….out to dinner with my husbands mother and sister…and my sister got to see my K play in her final orchestra concert…she stayed in town so she could go…its been a wonderful week and I hate to see her go…

Anyways…I said I would share some pictures…some are on my sisters camera so will have to wait for those….but…here they are…my K…my K w/ her lil friend…my K with my sister before the concert and then of course…her horse…

Lucky…
What a sweet boy…
Lucky

Before

Show time this weekend….thought I would share some before pics and words…..then will share some after…

Have spent almost every night last two weeks at the barn….practicing…then this week its cleaning…..cleaning the horse….cleaning the tack and polishing….saddles, bridles, stirrups and bits….polishing riding boots….washing show coats….packing totes of supplies…hairnets and bobby pins, lint rollers for velvet helmets….all preparing…

She must take care of her horse this weekend too as if its her own….she must pack up the trailer w/ all her horses stuff and transfer to fairgrounds and then Saturday morning….all riders must be at the fairgrounds at 6am…they must feed and water their horse and clean its stall before doing warm ups in the show ring and then the show will begin….two days of this….she is registered for 6 classes…

She laughs….a laugh you only hear when your child is completely full of joy….its one you never forget when you hear it….

She smells….like hay….sweat…horse poop….and she loves it….

She works….unlike I have never seen….putting in hours doing everything she needs to do….never complains….its fun…(but gosh should I mention picking up her room and I get the nasty look..lol)

Most of all….she just beams….like there is a light inside of her….her and I read a book once…about a young girl finding her way…her mother had died and she went to live w/ an aunt…her aunt told her one day…she would find her fire…that feeling inside that would light up her life…I remember a year or so ago…when I watched her do this before…prep for a show…the hours put in…the time and energy….she looked at me and simply said….”I have found my fire Mom….you know…like in that book..”

Happy Memorial weekend…..will return when finally….the fire will burn out temporarily and she will sleep for a whole day…me too actually cause I have to drive her around for all this stuff…lol

 

Happy?

Have been asked alot recently what have I been doing….are you happy they say…reminds me now as I type of Pharell Williams song….humming it as I type…

What exactly is happy? Content….fulfilled….blessed….??
A job we enjoy ….a family….perhaps a new home or car??

I read the news or watch current events on tv and see how much is happening in the world and its in those moments that I say to myself…Im so very blessed….my problems are nothing in the big picture….

I listen and see friends….complaining of their children….their jobs…about themselves….and I think….yea…I guess I am happy….

there are times I guess when my mind wanders….to simpler times….to quieter times in my life….sometimes I miss those times…then my name is called or the puppies need to pee or the phone rings and I am snapped back to reality…

I havent written for awhile….not because anything is wrong but simply because I havent had the time or unless I have something deep to say…I keep it to myself…lol

I then remembered one reason I keep this blog is to remember things….things about my princess…things I always want to remember….to share with her one day….so tonight I take a moment…to reflect….

Mothers Day is this weekend….there has been nothing in my life as fulfilling as being a mom….nothing even compares…I miss my mother all the time….wishing she was still with us…she wasnt perfect….no one is….but she loved my daughter and I miss seeing them together…

If she were here I would tell her how our K has blossomed this year….how tall she is….how having a wonderful teacher has brought out this beautiful student….we struggled so much last year…she hated school…..hated her teacher….homework was worse than pulling teeth but this year….straight A student….heading to middle school and placed in a double accelerated math program….reading beyond her years…..such a breath of fresh air as a student…

Still loves horses…..big horse show coming Memorial weekend….my sister is coming to stay and go to the show….K is so excited that someone is coming to watch….she is recovering from a broken wrist that happened in February while roller skating….was a very long 8 weeks with no activities but we are back to our full and busy schedule….I kinda missed it….

I am always amazed at her…..singing and listening to music all the time….mostly hip hop but I heard some Fall Out Boy today on her ipod….cool….she is big into fashion….still loves her collection of shoes….we dip dyed her hair in Kool Aid couple weeks ago…so yea…she has red tips right now…should just wash out in another week or so….but she has enjoyed doing something different…

She would kill me for this but….hey….its memories….lol….but she at age 10 has begun having a menstrual cycle….I only mention it….because omg….her hormones are outrageous….tell me I did NOT act this way…..she mostly cries….over the simplest of things….an hour once about a book….last month….we got this urge to watch The Little Mermaid for the first time in years and yep…she cried….bawled is more like it….

So back to the title of this blog….

Happy??

Even though sometimes, for a fleeting moment, I may wish to be on a Caribbean island….alone in the sun and sand….I know I wouldnt if I had the chance….I am doing what I need to be doing….I am enjoying what I am doing…..and i cant imagine doing anything else….my life is filled with love …so yea….

I am happy…

Happy Mothers Day and dont think too awfully hard about life….

Just live it….
and Be Happy…

(singing that tune still….if I knew how to post Itunes I would …lol)

Just Another Day

It really is just another day like any other really….

Except in two days…others will remind me…with their sincerest wishes for a happy one…

Its the day I entered the world…the day I gave my parents joy…

Its the day their divorce became final when I was 12….the day my father had brain surgery when I was 16….only to pass away on October 9th…

Its a day that I smile….accept the wishes and the gifts w/ appreciation

Its a day I like to stay home….wondering what other terrible thing may happen on this particular day…wanting simply to curl up and watch a movie…

Its a day I sit….think…reflect….happy for the blessings I have….sad for those I have lost…

Its nice to have birthdays….especially when your young and excited about what another year brings…

For me…I feel old….tired..

Ready to sleep…

It really is…

Just another day..

10

Double digit year…..can’t hardly believe it….had it really been 10 years ago she entered my life…

She is growing so fast….so beautiful…inside and out…we went on vacation this year during her birthday (which was July 9th)….Mackinac Island…where there are no cars…only your feet…bikes and horses….it was fun…relaxing…we even took the puppies…took them out to dinner with us on her birthday….but then…when we returned home….that next weekend…

She got to choose two friends to go….off towards Chicago we went….just west of there in an outdoor ampitheatre….we waited….we laughed….then…the screaming of girls began…

One Direction in concert….my present to her….my double digit girl….few hours later after screaming…jumping….singing and dancing….3 tired girls passed out….ok 4…I passed out too….

Memories of 10…

Summer 2013

May went by so quickly….horse shows and recitals and end of school….but now….summer….

I have a love-hate relationship with summer these days…..she is gone so much to her dads which I hate….but when she is home and we enjoy the warm days….I love it..

We have vacation coming up after the 4th….and on the 9th of July….she will be 10….I cant believe my baby….double digits….10…

I am taking two friends with her to see One Direction outside of Chicago….they are so excited…planning on their outfits already…I find myself excited too….remembering wayyyy back when to my first concert…to experience it with my daughter…well…its just an amazing feeling when sharing something with a loved one….it really is…

So….a busy summer….horse camps and swimming and birthdays and concerts….vacation on Mackinac Island where the only transportation is by bike or horseback or horse drawn carriages….we are taking the puppies so oh my….what a fun time…lol

I watched a movie recently….I thought it would be a silly movie but watched it anyway….I ended up crying like a baby at the end of it….along with several times throughout it also…

the movie was What to Expect When Your Expecting….and one of the mothers….had all the problems of pregnancy…the gas…the backache…the nasty….she said she kept waiting to feel that glow….that glow women speak about when they are pregnant and that people comment on seeing in their faces….she had to have a C-section in the end…then she lost a bit of blood and almost died….but when she opened her eyes and held her little baby boy….she said to her husband…what a beautiful experience….she had finally found her glow….her perfect little glow in her arms…omg…I cried…

Makes me feel blessed….I too have a glow….even when its difficult….busy…overwhelming…every time I see her smile…I feel it tug inside of me….she is my glow…

So I raise my glass to Summer 2013….my glow will be 10….may all your dreams come true too….

Stress

So many things I want to say to him….I have written a huge email to him….addressing yet again….issues…things he never hears…never changes…

I held you tonight as you cried….not wanting to go….what am I to do? The court says you must….sometimes I am afraid to challenge it….afraid they will take you away even more….but I hate when you have to go….your so sad…and I cant make it better….I try…but the pain is there….

Should I address things yet again…you ask me not to on some things….afraid of the consequence of the words….but I think he needs to know…but your right….even if he knows…he wont change…

So we just held each other….knowing tomorrow you must go….

Sometimes dads suck…

First Fall

 

I made this blog private tonight….I just want to write for awhile to my daughter….things one day she can read and remember….like just last Tuesday….February 12th, 2013

 

Two and a half years she has ridden….sometimes the ride is bouncy…sometimes a bit scary….at least for mom….but she has always had or found the perfect balance…to stay in step….to hold on to whatever happens…

That night was different..I seemed to even feel it….she kept adjusting her foot in her stirrups…things just seemed off….but there she was…posting trotting around the arena…then in a flash of a moment…Klondike seemed to perhaps trip?? his head went down and she in her upright posting position….went tumbling forward….heading to the ground…

Sometimes as a parent we seem in slow motion….we want to be there so fast…to reach out and catch them…but its just too late…they have to hit sometimes I guess….but gosh…she hit so hard…the tears filled her eyes….covered in dirt….nothing broken….no blood….

so she gets up….after being checked out by the owner who came over to see her…I watched with nervous admiration….my daughter…pick up the reins and walk it out with her horse….tears flowing down her cheeks…but picking up and moving forward….slower…wiser perhaps…

then…she got back on…I had asked if she wanted to…maybe she would want a break but then there she went…back up into the saddle….she didnt pick up the pace but she walked…around several times….reforming trust with the horse….and maybe reestablishing some courage in herself??

 

I hope she goes at life this way….tearful…hurt…moving forward and doing it again….

Its something we can all hope for our children….every wonderful ride….has its ups and its…falls…

Proud mother…

Do You Remember….

Do you remember when you loved snow? The smell of it in the air….the beauty of it on the tree branches…the feel of it on your skin…

Since moving to the frozen tundra a few years ago….I had forgotten…I was so nervous about how to handle so much snow…how to drive in it and get around..I simply forgot the beauty of it…I was reminded today..

It warmed up here a bit today….heading towards 30 degrees….heat wave actually..the air becomes so fresh smelling…the smell of pure snow…and then it began to pour from the sky…I took our puppies out and watched as they buried their noses in it….ran until they were wet with it…and I found myself laughing…

Then my princess K got home from school….then my husband…they headed out together to plow and shovel….I cooked dinner…I looked outside….the snow still pouring from the sky and I saw her…my K…her shovel in the ground beside her…just laying back on a snowbank and staring into the sky….the snow falling onto her face….tossing snow into the air…I smiled so big my lips hurt….the simple pleasure….I yelled her name and took the picture you see above…it was dark so its a bit fuzzy but I think from her smile you can see how happy she is….

then it was time for hot chocolate and drying out and cuddling under a blanket and hoping upon hoping they call off school tomorrow….course up here in the frozen tundra…that rarely happens….but its always nice to dream….

Do you remember those days…..simple pleasures….laughter….love…all from the cold wet touch….of a flake of snow….

Stay warm

2013

I wish to all a very Happy New Year….be safe in all you do…

For me….I reflect….no resolutions just reflections….

How to be a better mom…..a better wife…..a better friend….a better sister….

And in all that I try to do….this year….2013….I want to be a better me…to take some time…..quiet time….for me…it is my goal…

and for my daughter….in 2013 I wish she will find the beauty inside of herself….to find her strength….her courage…and to know she is loved beyond belief….

She is after all….the greatest gift….

2013….I do believe is going to be a very good year….for all of us…

Hugs and kisses