Happy?

horse
Have been asked alot recently what have I been doing….are you happy they say…reminds me now as I type of Pharell Williams song….humming it as I type…

What exactly is happy? Content….fulfilled….blessed….??
A job we enjoy ….a family….perhaps a new home or car??

I read the news or watch current events on tv and see how much is happening in the world and its in those moments that I say to myself…Im so very blessed….my problems are nothing in the big picture….

I listen and see friends….complaining of their children….their jobs…about themselves….and I think….yea…I guess I am happy….

there are times I guess when my mind wanders….to simpler times….to quieter times in my life….sometimes I miss those times…then my name is called or the puppies need to pee or the phone rings and I am snapped back to reality…

I havent written for awhile….not because anything is wrong but simply because I havent had the time or unless I have something deep to say…I keep it to myself…lol

I then remembered one reason I keep this blog is to remember things….things about my princess…things I always want to remember….to share with her one day….so tonight I take a moment…to reflect….

Mothers Day is this weekend….there has been nothing in my life as fulfilling as being a mom….nothing even compares…I miss my mother all the time….wishing she was still with us…she wasnt perfect….no one is….but she loved my daughter and I miss seeing them together…

If she were here I would tell her how our K has blossomed this year….how tall she is….how having a wonderful teacher has brought out this beautiful student….we struggled so much last year…she hated school…..hated her teacher….homework was worse than pulling teeth but this year….straight A student….heading to middle school and placed in a double accelerated math program….reading beyond her years…..such a breath of fresh air as a student…

Still loves horses…..big horse show coming Memorial weekend….my sister is coming to stay and go to the show….K is so excited that someone is coming to watch….she is recovering from a broken wrist that happened in February while roller skating….was a very long 8 weeks with no activities but we are back to our full and busy schedule….I kinda missed it….

I am always amazed at her…..singing and listening to music all the time….mostly hip hop but I heard some Fall Out Boy today on her ipod….cool….she is big into fashion….still loves her collection of shoes….we dip dyed her hair in Kool Aid couple weeks ago…so yea…she has red tips right now…should just wash out in another week or so….but she has enjoyed doing something different…

She would kill me for this but….hey….its memories….lol….but she at age 10 has begun having a menstrual cycle….I only mention it….because omg….her hormones are outrageous….tell me I did NOT act this way…..she mostly cries….over the simplest of things….an hour once about a book….last month….we got this urge to watch The Little Mermaid for the first time in years and yep…she cried….bawled is more like it….

So back to the title of this blog….

Happy??

Even though sometimes, for a fleeting moment, I may wish to be on a Caribbean island….alone in the sun and sand….I know I wouldnt if I had the chance….I am doing what I need to be doing….I am enjoying what I am doing…..and i cant imagine doing anything else….my life is filled with love …so yea….

I am happy…

Happy Mothers Day and dont think too awfully hard about life….

Just live it….
and Be Happy…

(singing that tune still….if I knew how to post Itunes I would …lol)

Just Another Day

rose

It really is just another day like any other really….

Except in two days…others will remind me…with their sincerest wishes for a happy one…

Its the day I entered the world…the day I gave my parents joy…

Its the day their divorce became final when I was 12….the day my father had brain surgery when I was 16….only to pass away on October 9th…

Its a day that I smile….accept the wishes and the gifts w/ appreciation

Its a day I like to stay home….wondering what other terrible thing may happen on this particular day…wanting simply to curl up and watch a movie…

Its a day I sit….think…reflect….happy for the blessings I have….sad for those I have lost…

Its nice to have birthdays….especially when your young and excited about what another year brings…

For me…I feel old….tired..

Ready to sleep…

It really is…

Just another day..

10

1D5

Double digit year…..can’t hardly believe it….had it really been 10 years ago she entered my life…

She is growing so fast….so beautiful…inside and out…we went on vacation this year during her birthday (which was July 9th)….Mackinac Island…where there are no cars…only your feet…bikes and horses….it was fun…relaxing…we even took the puppies…took them out to dinner with us on her birthday….but then…when we returned home….that next weekend…

She got to choose two friends to go….off towards Chicago we went….just west of there in an outdoor ampitheatre….we waited….we laughed….then…the screaming of girls began…

One Direction in concert….my present to her….my double digit girl….few hours later after screaming…jumping….singing and dancing….3 tired girls passed out….ok 4…I passed out too….

Memories of 10…

Boys on the Wall

Image

Well….it has happened….age 9….you officially put boys on the wall….the new poster of One Direction….there above your bed….I stared a few moments…between the horse posters…the puppy posters…the boys now….we laughed about it…the one in green named Liam being your favorite….how in just a few short weeks I will be scrambling to get the tickets….taking you and two friends to their concert in July for your 10th birthday….but for now…I walk into your room…and I see them…

Boys on the Wall…

First Fall

Image

 

I made this blog private tonight….I just want to write for awhile to my daughter….things one day she can read and remember….like just last Tuesday….February 12th, 2013

 

Two and a half years she has ridden….sometimes the ride is bouncy…sometimes a bit scary….at least for mom….but she has always had or found the perfect balance…to stay in step….to hold on to whatever happens…

That night was different..I seemed to even feel it….she kept adjusting her foot in her stirrups…things just seemed off….but there she was…posting trotting around the arena…then in a flash of a moment…Klondike seemed to perhaps trip?? his head went down and she in her upright posting position….went tumbling forward….heading to the ground…

Sometimes as a parent we seem in slow motion….we want to be there so fast…to reach out and catch them…but its just too late…they have to hit sometimes I guess….but gosh…she hit so hard…the tears filled her eyes….covered in dirt….nothing broken….no blood….

so she gets up….after being checked out by the owner who came over to see her…I watched with nervous admiration….my daughter…pick up the reins and walk it out with her horse….tears flowing down her cheeks…but picking up and moving forward….slower…wiser perhaps…

then…she got back on…I had asked if she wanted to…maybe she would want a break but then there she went…back up into the saddle….she didnt pick up the pace but she walked…around several times….reforming trust with the horse….and maybe reestablishing some courage in herself??

 

I hope she goes at life this way….tearful…hurt…moving forward and doing it again….

Its something we can all hope for our children….every wonderful ride….has its ups and its…falls…

Proud mother…

Do You Remember….

snowy k

Do you remember when you loved snow? The smell of it in the air….the beauty of it on the tree branches…the feel of it on your skin…

Since moving to the frozen tundra a few years ago….I had forgotten…I was so nervous about how to handle so much snow…how to drive in it and get around..I simply forgot the beauty of it…I was reminded today..

It warmed up here a bit today….heading towards 30 degrees….heat wave actually..the air becomes so fresh smelling…the smell of pure snow…and then it began to pour from the sky…I took our puppies out and watched as they buried their noses in it….ran until they were wet with it…and I found myself laughing…

Then my princess K got home from school….then my husband…they headed out together to plow and shovel….I cooked dinner…I looked outside….the snow still pouring from the sky and I saw her…my K…her shovel in the ground beside her…just laying back on a snowbank and staring into the sky….the snow falling onto her face….tossing snow into the air…I smiled so big my lips hurt….the simple pleasure….I yelled her name and took the picture you see above…it was dark so its a bit fuzzy but I think from her smile you can see how happy she is….

then it was time for hot chocolate and drying out and cuddling under a blanket and hoping upon hoping they call off school tomorrow….course up here in the frozen tundra…that rarely happens….but its always nice to dream….

espressok

Do you remember those days…..simple pleasures….laughter….love…all from the cold wet touch….of a flake of snow….

Stay warm

Blessings

043725-Christmas_Baby_picture

When I leave work this morning….I begin 8 days off so I wanted to post a little something….for those of you I adore….my Gracie….Saffy….Desay….Paul….I know I can catch you on Facebook….but I miss reading you….yes Gracie you still stimulate my senses….lol…but I miss the heart of the rest of you….

Anyways….my life is still busy….but my heart is sad….I have been very affected by the events in Connecticut last week….my heart just hurts for all of those families….I find myself crying for them….I look at their pictures….I read about them….then I go home and hold my daughter closer….and I pray….sending my love their way and thanking Him for the blessings in my life…

Christmas approaches next week….we all celebrate differently here and there….but to me….I dont mind the differences in all of us…I am blessed to know all of you….we never know about this world we live in….so never be afraid to speak your heart….I am truly blessed with my family….even though I still miss my mother so very much….but I am also blessed by you guys….I love you dearly…

I came by WordPress tonight….not so much to post…to read a bit though….try to escape my tears….think of my blessings….and I went around to a few blogs and I kinda just got disappointed…one guy who was not a Christian so he didnt celebrate Jesus…which is ok to have your own belief…but he put up a tree and was giving thanks to the tree??? WTF I say…seriously….a tree?? by all means be thankful for the beautiful nature of this earth but your gonna blog about giving homage to a tree during the holiday?? it just annoyed me…must be the menopause I guess….lol….

then I found as I ventured….so many lost souls out there….wasting and whining about love gone bad or other silly things and I thought to myself….its good to cleanse our hurting hearts and minds….its good to share it with those around you to find comfort in words of others….but ok….I have read the whining for weeks…I just dont have time for that….you want to live in a dark hole forever….please…there is so much other more hurtful and dark things out there…..so much pain….people with illness….people losing their children suddenly….children hungry or with no homes….I cant read about your love life anymore and the trips down vodka lane….I understand it….I have been there…but put on your big boy panties and find something to bring your life some meaning….this life is so short….dont waste a moment…..live …..

Its the holiday season….I am blessed beyond words….I love with every fiber of my being even when I get angry or sad….I love you my friends….I miss you….

Happy Hanukkah
Merry Christmas

Rose

The Country House

I love to shop….I shop alot online and of course, I get catalogs…yes…I have started my Christmas shopping…but tonight I am at work…looking at one of my favorite catalogs…I LOVE the Country House….it is filled with little things for ….yep…you got it… a country house…

I like baskets and old raggedy ann dolls…and I love little pictures or wooden blocks that look old and tattered yet say or have thoughts that just make you smile….I have a few around my home…reminding me of what is important….what is not…

thought I might share some….straight from the country house pages….

“When you stop believing in Santa….you get underwear”
(this would be for my daughter, this is the first year at my house without Santa…yep…she found out)

“Life is not about how fast you run or how high you climb
but how well you BOUNCE.”

“A true friend warms you with her presence, trusts you with her secrets, and remembers you in her prayers.”

“Make it Merry”

“Christmas…Have good in your heart and then give it away”

“I cant promise that I’ll be here for the rest of your life…but I can promise that I’ll love you for the rest of mine…”

“Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we’re here, we should DANCE…”

“Many people miss their share of happiness not because they never found it, but because they didn’t stop to enjoy it.”

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. “(one of my personal faves.)

“Enjoy the little things in life…for one day you’ll look back and realize they were the big things…”

“Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didnt know you left open…”

“Nobody listens to me til I fart…”(yea…kinda gross but its in there..lol)

“You cant fix stupidity…”

“Eat ice cream and run naked…”(made me smile)

“The best things in life are the people we love, the places we’ve been, and the memories we’ve made along the way..”

“Raising kids is like being pecked to death by a chicken…”

“Dont tell God how big your storm is…tell your storm how big God is…”

there are more….lots of holiday ones right now….but I guess I am sharing them because now that the holiday season is upon us…

Be happy and thankful….share of your hearts with others….and remember how even if you are facing challenges….find the blessings in your life….cherish them…each moment…

My last little sign from my catalog tonight is one I used to dislike….but a friend shared a poem with me….about love…making me love this lil saying…

“IT IS WHAT IT IS”…

At A Glance

In the neverending……barely time for breathing saga of my life…..

at a glance…

Working….
scheduling parent teacher conferences…
trying to find sleep with two puppies….
notes from teacher about daughter behavior at school…..
decisions about new job…
paying bills…
music lessons….
helping with homework…
nights and days at the barn….
laundry…
listening to hundreds of geese flying overhead….
silently wishing and wondering why geese are so FREAKING loud….cant they just fly quietly….
in a nutshell….MENOPAUSE..

Birthday parties to attend…..getting gifts to take…
sleepovers..
Halloween…sleepover…pumpkins to paint…
made monster toes and mummy wraps to eat
Fright Fest at Six Flags
trick or treat
what are we eating for dinner
book fairs
hair meltdowns…
did I mention puppy pee??
leaf raking for fall cleanup
girl scout fundraising
haircuts
hurt knee….xrays and doctor visits…
chili dinner at the neighbors
one puppy spayed and trying to keep them separated….omg
church Christmas program….Sunday nite rehearsals

teaching Sunday school

praying for the hurricane Sandy victims

waiting on a new grand niece that is due any day

fighting w/ my husband….
impatience with my tired daughter…
exhaustion…

Through the moments of my life….

I feel the soft touch of my husband hand on my shoulder….asking…how can I help…
I see the puppies….happy and content…curled up in one of our laps…
I see my daughter….smiling at the barn….screaming at her first haunted house only to die with laughter afterwards….

In a complex world….we teeter on the edge….we balance….we live…we tell the stories…just like today…

On the way home from music lessons…my daughter…her 9 year old take on the immaturity of boys her age….two boys Cole and Jeb at lunch today in a test of 4th grade manliness….a competition…who could stuff more gummy worms up their nose..

Jeb….oooh….he got 3 up one….only 2 in the other….one was kinda thick and long…

but Cole…..oh he got 5 up one nostril….4 in the other….the most definate winner….but oh….as she sounded disgusted…..how immature…

Then we broke into giggles…..

At a glance….
We are on the edge…
Look closer….

We are happy….

September

What a month….busy….challenging….full of laughter….maddening even…

The end of summer….school began and we still are reaching for a routine….struggling…..disliking our teacher…already a note sent home because she and another girl passed notes in class…ugggh….

We now have 2…yes I said 2….puppies….one is so animated you just smile every time you see her…the other a white cottonball of fluff….challenging having 2 puppies to teach and take care….but love fills the house every day along with laughter…

I celebrated a birthday little over a week ago….causing reflection….tears…worries….ok since I always worry then lets say more worries….wondering what now?? am I really happy??

Theres been some personal losses…..some personall stressors….we leave for vacation next Sunday to the Grand Canyon and I feel it…. a relief for just those few days to escape…to regroup….to rethink….

I drove my daughter today to the barn….what a beautiful day it was….the trees beginning to change….always makes me think of change….how my life has changed….how it continues to change….sometimes more vibrant….sometimes dull but constantly changing…old worries replaced with new ones…some worries just blowing away like a weak leaf caught by a wind….how I love this time of year….the changes…the beauty…

I thought of our puppies…only a few leaves have fallen in our yard but its enough….they go out and when the wind blows you watch them…jumping and chasing and rolling….the white cottonball we call Sophie had a leaf stuck to the end of her nose…she kept jumping and yipping at it like she could catch it….over and over she tried to catch it….by the time it blew off her nose…she had lost interest and moved on to another one….my thoughtful mind wonders how often we do that….want something so badly and try and try to get it and then just let it fall when its within our grasp….then I laugh at the thoughts and just enjoy watching her catch another leaf….

Then my princess…after almost two years…overcoming the slight fears….grasping the challenge…on a beautiful fall day….on a beautiful horse…she jumped over a jump…then another…then another….I paced like a nervous mom around the barn door….unable to sit….she went around the course….over 9 jumps…I could see the smile in her eyes even though her mouth was tight in concentration….it was thrilling for her…and when I heard her ask her trainer….Can I do it again?? ….I know she met the challenge….like all of us find our ways to meet challenges…..

Sometimes we are not handed things in this life….sometimes we must chase them….pursue them…grasp them….its the only way to achieve our dreams…..

Smiles….and this is only…

September….lol

Hugs and kisses