Lucky

ribbonsmary & KK & Lucky3K & Ella

My sister flew in last Friday….the days have flown by and today I must say goodbye to her….I enjoy her visiting….we laugh like little girls and she makes my K happy by being here to watch her accomplishments….and what a weekend we had…

Her horse Lucky was pretty anxious the first day and they struggled but he did the jumps…just was hard to control him he was so wound up….but the next day….

She won a blue ribbon….first place…in jumping…the smile…even though we were on day 2 of being at the fairgrounds since dawn…sunburned and tired…you couldnt miss the smile…

Our sweet Lucky…my K loves him…even though he is a bit nervous…and together they did it and I cried and of course…so proud…it really didnt matter to me if they got blue…I just wanted them to get through the course and no one get hurt…lol…

Anyways…we have been to cookouts…the weather here is gorgeous….out to dinner with my husbands mother and sister…and my sister got to see my K play in her final orchestra concert…she stayed in town so she could go…its been a wonderful week and I hate to see her go…

Anyways…I said I would share some pictures…some are on my sisters camera so will have to wait for those….but…here they are…my K…my K w/ her lil friend…my K with my sister before the concert and then of course…her horse…

Lucky…
What a sweet boy…
Lucky

Happy?

horse
Have been asked alot recently what have I been doing….are you happy they say…reminds me now as I type of Pharell Williams song….humming it as I type…

What exactly is happy? Content….fulfilled….blessed….??
A job we enjoy ….a family….perhaps a new home or car??

I read the news or watch current events on tv and see how much is happening in the world and its in those moments that I say to myself…Im so very blessed….my problems are nothing in the big picture….

I listen and see friends….complaining of their children….their jobs…about themselves….and I think….yea…I guess I am happy….

there are times I guess when my mind wanders….to simpler times….to quieter times in my life….sometimes I miss those times…then my name is called or the puppies need to pee or the phone rings and I am snapped back to reality…

I havent written for awhile….not because anything is wrong but simply because I havent had the time or unless I have something deep to say…I keep it to myself…lol

I then remembered one reason I keep this blog is to remember things….things about my princess…things I always want to remember….to share with her one day….so tonight I take a moment…to reflect….

Mothers Day is this weekend….there has been nothing in my life as fulfilling as being a mom….nothing even compares…I miss my mother all the time….wishing she was still with us…she wasnt perfect….no one is….but she loved my daughter and I miss seeing them together…

If she were here I would tell her how our K has blossomed this year….how tall she is….how having a wonderful teacher has brought out this beautiful student….we struggled so much last year…she hated school…..hated her teacher….homework was worse than pulling teeth but this year….straight A student….heading to middle school and placed in a double accelerated math program….reading beyond her years…..such a breath of fresh air as a student…

Still loves horses…..big horse show coming Memorial weekend….my sister is coming to stay and go to the show….K is so excited that someone is coming to watch….she is recovering from a broken wrist that happened in February while roller skating….was a very long 8 weeks with no activities but we are back to our full and busy schedule….I kinda missed it….

I am always amazed at her…..singing and listening to music all the time….mostly hip hop but I heard some Fall Out Boy today on her ipod….cool….she is big into fashion….still loves her collection of shoes….we dip dyed her hair in Kool Aid couple weeks ago…so yea…she has red tips right now…should just wash out in another week or so….but she has enjoyed doing something different…

She would kill me for this but….hey….its memories….lol….but she at age 10 has begun having a menstrual cycle….I only mention it….because omg….her hormones are outrageous….tell me I did NOT act this way…..she mostly cries….over the simplest of things….an hour once about a book….last month….we got this urge to watch The Little Mermaid for the first time in years and yep…she cried….bawled is more like it….

So back to the title of this blog….

Happy??

Even though sometimes, for a fleeting moment, I may wish to be on a Caribbean island….alone in the sun and sand….I know I wouldnt if I had the chance….I am doing what I need to be doing….I am enjoying what I am doing…..and i cant imagine doing anything else….my life is filled with love …so yea….

I am happy…

Happy Mothers Day and dont think too awfully hard about life….

Just live it….
and Be Happy…

(singing that tune still….if I knew how to post Itunes I would …lol)

10

1D5

Double digit year…..can’t hardly believe it….had it really been 10 years ago she entered my life…

She is growing so fast….so beautiful…inside and out…we went on vacation this year during her birthday (which was July 9th)….Mackinac Island…where there are no cars…only your feet…bikes and horses….it was fun…relaxing…we even took the puppies…took them out to dinner with us on her birthday….but then…when we returned home….that next weekend…

She got to choose two friends to go….off towards Chicago we went….just west of there in an outdoor ampitheatre….we waited….we laughed….then…the screaming of girls began…

One Direction in concert….my present to her….my double digit girl….few hours later after screaming…jumping….singing and dancing….3 tired girls passed out….ok 4…I passed out too….

Memories of 10…

Summer 2013

my baby

May went by so quickly….horse shows and recitals and end of school….but now….summer….

I have a love-hate relationship with summer these days…..she is gone so much to her dads which I hate….but when she is home and we enjoy the warm days….I love it..

We have vacation coming up after the 4th….and on the 9th of July….she will be 10….I cant believe my baby….double digits….10…

I am taking two friends with her to see One Direction outside of Chicago….they are so excited…planning on their outfits already…I find myself excited too….remembering wayyyy back when to my first concert…to experience it with my daughter…well…its just an amazing feeling when sharing something with a loved one….it really is…

So….a busy summer….horse camps and swimming and birthdays and concerts….vacation on Mackinac Island where the only transportation is by bike or horseback or horse drawn carriages….we are taking the puppies so oh my….what a fun time…lol

I watched a movie recently….I thought it would be a silly movie but watched it anyway….I ended up crying like a baby at the end of it….along with several times throughout it also…

the movie was What to Expect When Your Expecting….and one of the mothers….had all the problems of pregnancy…the gas…the backache…the nasty….she said she kept waiting to feel that glow….that glow women speak about when they are pregnant and that people comment on seeing in their faces….she had to have a C-section in the end…then she lost a bit of blood and almost died….but when she opened her eyes and held her little baby boy….she said to her husband…what a beautiful experience….she had finally found her glow….her perfect little glow in her arms…omg…I cried…

Makes me feel blessed….I too have a glow….even when its difficult….busy…overwhelming…every time I see her smile…I feel it tug inside of me….she is my glow…

So I raise my glass to Summer 2013….my glow will be 10….may all your dreams come true too….

Boys on the Wall

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Well….it has happened….age 9….you officially put boys on the wall….the new poster of One Direction….there above your bed….I stared a few moments…between the horse posters…the puppy posters…the boys now….we laughed about it…the one in green named Liam being your favorite….how in just a few short weeks I will be scrambling to get the tickets….taking you and two friends to their concert in July for your 10th birthday….but for now…I walk into your room…and I see them…

Boys on the Wall…

Do You Remember….

snowy k

Do you remember when you loved snow? The smell of it in the air….the beauty of it on the tree branches…the feel of it on your skin…

Since moving to the frozen tundra a few years ago….I had forgotten…I was so nervous about how to handle so much snow…how to drive in it and get around..I simply forgot the beauty of it…I was reminded today..

It warmed up here a bit today….heading towards 30 degrees….heat wave actually..the air becomes so fresh smelling…the smell of pure snow…and then it began to pour from the sky…I took our puppies out and watched as they buried their noses in it….ran until they were wet with it…and I found myself laughing…

Then my princess K got home from school….then my husband…they headed out together to plow and shovel….I cooked dinner…I looked outside….the snow still pouring from the sky and I saw her…my K…her shovel in the ground beside her…just laying back on a snowbank and staring into the sky….the snow falling onto her face….tossing snow into the air…I smiled so big my lips hurt….the simple pleasure….I yelled her name and took the picture you see above…it was dark so its a bit fuzzy but I think from her smile you can see how happy she is….

then it was time for hot chocolate and drying out and cuddling under a blanket and hoping upon hoping they call off school tomorrow….course up here in the frozen tundra…that rarely happens….but its always nice to dream….

espressok

Do you remember those days…..simple pleasures….laughter….love…all from the cold wet touch….of a flake of snow….

Stay warm

Blessings

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When I leave work this morning….I begin 8 days off so I wanted to post a little something….for those of you I adore….my Gracie….Saffy….Desay….Paul….I know I can catch you on Facebook….but I miss reading you….yes Gracie you still stimulate my senses….lol…but I miss the heart of the rest of you….

Anyways….my life is still busy….but my heart is sad….I have been very affected by the events in Connecticut last week….my heart just hurts for all of those families….I find myself crying for them….I look at their pictures….I read about them….then I go home and hold my daughter closer….and I pray….sending my love their way and thanking Him for the blessings in my life…

Christmas approaches next week….we all celebrate differently here and there….but to me….I dont mind the differences in all of us…I am blessed to know all of you….we never know about this world we live in….so never be afraid to speak your heart….I am truly blessed with my family….even though I still miss my mother so very much….but I am also blessed by you guys….I love you dearly…

I came by WordPress tonight….not so much to post…to read a bit though….try to escape my tears….think of my blessings….and I went around to a few blogs and I kinda just got disappointed…one guy who was not a Christian so he didnt celebrate Jesus…which is ok to have your own belief…but he put up a tree and was giving thanks to the tree??? WTF I say…seriously….a tree?? by all means be thankful for the beautiful nature of this earth but your gonna blog about giving homage to a tree during the holiday?? it just annoyed me…must be the menopause I guess….lol….

then I found as I ventured….so many lost souls out there….wasting and whining about love gone bad or other silly things and I thought to myself….its good to cleanse our hurting hearts and minds….its good to share it with those around you to find comfort in words of others….but ok….I have read the whining for weeks…I just dont have time for that….you want to live in a dark hole forever….please…there is so much other more hurtful and dark things out there…..so much pain….people with illness….people losing their children suddenly….children hungry or with no homes….I cant read about your love life anymore and the trips down vodka lane….I understand it….I have been there…but put on your big boy panties and find something to bring your life some meaning….this life is so short….dont waste a moment…..live …..

Its the holiday season….I am blessed beyond words….I love with every fiber of my being even when I get angry or sad….I love you my friends….I miss you….

Happy Hanukkah
Merry Christmas

Rose

A Little Faith

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I have a story to share….it will sound like a movie….but this was our day….an extraordinary day…a day of hope….belief….happiness….love….and a little Faith

It is playoff week in softball this week….Kristens team is ranked number 2….one team already eliminated Monday night….there are 4 teams left…winners tonight will advance to championship game on Thursday night…

 Kristen has struggled her first year playing….but she has played hard….she has had a few strikeouts….but she has had hits too…she just has not made it past second base…its been exciting watching her grow and learn…I have dreamed of seeing her make it to home plate but….maybe just not gonna happen this year….

 

Tonight…her first two times at bat were strikeouts…just not her night….it was windy….we had a little rain for 10 mins….but the game was close….always within a run or two…

 

Kristen always bats in the lower half of the batting order….those that can hit almost every time are in the top….others that may or may not hit…in the lower part….so here it is the last inning of the game and Kristens team is behind….9-8 and its the lower half of the batting order coming up…

First two girls….the first strikes out and then the second gets out at first base so two outs already….the lil girl in front of Kristen is up to bat….Katie….she hits it…makes it to first….now its Kristens turn….I feel myself start to cry a little….I pray…please dont let her season end this way with her getting the last out of the last game…she will be so discouraged….please God….

First pitch…..strike

Second pitch….she tings it….foul ball….but strike number 2

Third pitch….I take a deep breath….she HITS it….she takes off running….oh my….oh my….yesssssss….she makes it to first….its not over yet….

 Next lil girl and last girl in bottom half of batting order….Payton….this could be it I say….been a good season and I thank God Kristen didnt get the last out….but oh my….Payton hits it….Kristen heads to second….they all make it and now….the bases are loaded and its Claire up now and she is our best hitter….the top of the order is starting….could we have a chance…the crowd is cheering and suddenly the dugouts are smiling and cheering….Claire hits it…..Katie runs in the tying run….and there is my baby….Kristen….she is on third base…oh my oh my….I cant even feel how fast my heart beat is…..now up is the coaches daughter Tory…..she smacks it….the other team struggles to get it….and here comes our Kristen…..and like a dream…..she crosses home….scores the winning run….the smile on her face…..as long as I live I wont forget that smile….the crowd….everyone congratulating her after the game….me crying like a baby and almost peeing in my pants….so proud….her teammates laughing and excited and happy….

 

I thanked God for hearing me….giving her that opportunity….and for her believing in herself and not giving up….faith…..hope….believing….suddenly our day became extraordinary…something to hold in our hearts to remember…

 

If the championship game on Thursday is any more exciting…

 

Go RED SOX

 

 

Fathers Day

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I usually focus on watching my husband becoming the father my daughter so needs and deserves….they have a relationship that grows daily….its beautiful to witness….

Somehow this year I remember thinking about how I should write things down….remember them…so I can pass them on…before I forget…lol…

I wrote about my father before….his perfectionism….his strong demeanor which didnt allow for emotions to be displayed openly….only when needed of course…how he passed when I was 16…how I still remember…miss him…

I wrote him a poem after he died….I may have been like 17…I remember using our old typewriter and typing it up on an index card….my mother saved it for many years….thought I would write it here just so one day….I can say I did this…and I remember….well lets see if I remember it first….

REFLECTIONS OF MY FATHER

At times I see my father

Looking from above

The reflections in his eyes

Show me there is love…

 

Though he is far away and distant

At times I feel he’s near

He tells me not to worry

For he is always here…

 

We had our disagreements

I thought that it was hate..

We did not realize it was love

Until it was too late..

 

But I have one thing to tell you Dad

Deep from my heart, it’s true

No matter what happened in the past

Just remember, I love you…

 

To all fathers….

Happy Fathers Day….

 

Do you remember some of the “firsts” in your life…I remember some…mostly when I was older…my first kiss…my first time…my first day of college…first day of work…

Remember the nervousness….that lost breath…that rapid heartbeat…that joy or love…

I am finding being a parent….I get to relive those moments….watching them in my child…somehow its better than I ever remembered….somehow it means more…somehow these are the ones I want to remember until I leave this earth…

It has been a week of firsts around here….after many struggles and a couple of years of defeat…I watched her finally take off on her bike…on her own…I felt my tears hit my cheek as they always do when I feel her experience things…I heard the determination in her voice that this was it…I heard her tell me to let go…I saw the smile…I see it every day now as if overnight she thinks she might forget so she has to hop on and be sure….

This is our first year of softball….3 games later….6 times at bat…she has struck out…I saw the disappointment…I comfort…reminding her to give it time…then tonight…cold and damp out…sitting and freezing watching her…I hear the bat connect….her run…they got her out at first base but didnt matter…she had her first hit…I saw her eyes reach mine and again the tears hit my cheek….the smile hit her face….and mine….after the game…she had this whole new sound to her voice as she said…I didnt even care they got me out mommy….I hit it…the laughter…unlike laughter I had ever heard…it touched me so deeply….

Its been a week of rainbows here after a storm….a week of getting settled even more in our new home…it will wrap up with another first this weekend…she goes on an overnight girl scout adventure…I hope it brings more of the joy we have had so far….I am reminded of my days of girl scout camps….the campfires….stories…pranks we played…somehow though…I still think hearing about hers will be even more special….

First moments….memories in our hearts…

Hugs and kisses