Thankful

I love the holidays…I love my family….my friends…the smell in the air…the good spirit shared by all….the decorations…the taste of pumpkin pie…all the memories of past holidays….all the dreams of future ones…and mostly I love the look in my daughters eye….every single day…

So many are struggling out there these days….trying to hang on to jobs…facing illness and the challenges that brings…these things change our lives and our perspective on what is important in this life…my heart goes to all of them and hope they find their way and cherish what they do have…life is such a blessing even when it may be hard to see and understand at times…

 

So…my list of important things and blessings??

 

This Thanksgiving….my mother is now living closer to my family….she is happy…and I am thankful….

 

My daughter is happy….singing daily….eyes shining….and I am thankful…

 

My love….his heart grows with mine each day as we venture to new heights as a family….and I am thankful….

 

My friends….each with their own beauty….their own challenges…I admire their strength through it all….and for their presence in my life….I am thankful…

 

For Wisconsin….my home….skies bluer than I have ever seen…people friendlier than I ever expected….and wind colder than I have ever felt….lol….yet even so….for my home….I am thankful…

 

For the hope….the faith….the love….I am thankful…

 

Happy Thanksgiving my friends…. 

Be safe…see you next week…

 

Never and Always

These words have been shared by many…but sometimes I just love to read inspiring words…to remind me…to keep instilled inside of my heart…not to worry about things or people that really mean nothing to me…but to surround myself…with those that love life as I do….that appreciate the value of each day…so…

before I ramble on….hehehe

 Never…

Never apologize for pursuing what makes you happy.
Even if you need to quit your job, or move across
country, always do what you really want.

Never apologize for giving your best in a relationship
that just didn’t work out.

Never apologize for being successful. Only failures
want to keep you at their level.

Never apologize for crying. Always express yourself.

Never apologize for being frugal. Just because you
save your money
instead of blowing it on something you don’t need,
doesn’t mean you’re cheap.

Never apologize for treating yourself to something
special. Sometimes you have to show yourself some
appreciation.

Never apologize for leaving an abusive relationship.
Your safety should always be a priority.

Never apologize for loving someone other people don’t
understand.

Never apologize for setting high standards..

Never apologize for saying NO.

Never apologize when asking for help..we all need help
sometimes.

Never apologize to your new friends about old friends.
There’s a
reason they have stayed in your life.

Never apologize for ordering dessert..

Never apologize for your taste in clothes. It’s your
style.

Never apologize for changing your mind..it happens.

Never apologize for being you..you are unique.

Always…

Be with someone who deserves you

Give to yourself

Have courage in your beliefs

Listen to your intuition

Cherish your health

Love unconditionally

Find your bliss

Laugh loudly

Mean what you say

Continue learning

Have a dream

Be compassionate

Have faith

Be honest

Take risks

Be kind

Be loyal

Forgive

Be yourself

 

Dark of Night

In the dark of night…..I lie there…restless….my thoughts not allowing me to sleep….overwhelmed with emotion….fighting the fear that seems to keep crawling its way into my head….wondering if my eyes will ever close….

Then suddenly a warmth surrounds me….my entire being feels his breath rushing over me….fingers running up and down my body….softly….sending sensations that make my body become aroused…his breath in my ear…saying all that I want to hear….all that I need to hear…I forget of the dark and become aware of only him…his lips covering mine…how warm and soft they are…seemingly my body comes alive….the soft bites along my neck….along my shoulder….the ache begins to grow…wanting…

When his skin touches mine…I am lost…all thought is gone…aware of nothing but him…everything becomes a blur of pleasure…lips kissing….gently sucking…hands touching….caressing….bodies moving…ever closer until this need…this want…builds within the both of us…I will cry out in the night as he takes me wherever he wants….I will go…I will follow without question…every spark of desire inside of me….he feels it…he takes it higher…I will give him…everything….that I am…

And as I lie limp and breathless….here in the dark of night….in a pool of my own wetness…I see his eyes looking into mine…I know…

I am not afraid of the dark anymore….

 

 

Like a Flowing River

A rose dreamed day and night about bees, but no bee ever landed on her petals.

The flower, however, continued to dream. During the long nights, she imagined a heaven full of bees, which flew down to bestow fond kisses on her. By doing this, she was able to last until the next day, when she opened again to the light of the sun.

One night, the moon, who knew of the rose’s loneliness, asked : ‘Aren’t you tired of waiting?’

‘Possibly, but I have to keep trying.’



‘Why?’

‘Because if I don’t remain open, I will simply fade away.’

At times, when loneliness seems to crush all beauty, the only way to resist is to remain open.

— A Story From ‘Like A Flowing River — Paulo Coelho’

For Me

Many years ago I met a woman in chat that over the last 10 years has become my dearest friend…we have met several times…we talk every day…many times on some days….she is a light in my life and someone I am proud to call my friend…

I was reading her blog the other night…seeing which entries she chose to bring over here to WordPress when I came upon one which brought me memories…it was one she had written…

For me…

It was a time of indecision for me….choices I needed to make…ones that I was not sure I was capable and ready to make…frankly….I was scared…

But as a friend….she never pushes….she never makes judgements….she never demands….she never tries to fix me….she is just there…to listen…to comfort…to encourage and support….to cry along with and make me laugh….She is my Gracie….aka Life Through Greeneyes….and I love her mostly because she accepts me…

For Me….

So I share today this poem she wrote….

Beautiful Garden Steady and Strong

 

 So much has come between

One day and the next

And the ache in her heart

Beats to a rhythm out of harmony

And out of sync

I want to show her that she is more

Than bad memories of past expressions

But the background sounds drown out

All that is wonderful leaving her blue eyes

Out of focus on her moonless night

And sunless day

From within her breath is ragged

Growing tired of worn out mantras

And revisited scenarios of once upon a time

I would take those from her if I could

Replacing with energized scripts of all that is possible

Of what her truth and worth really are

Through eyes that see past the forest

And past the trees

But this journey has steps only she can climb

As my hand reaches up to this beautiful soul

Bundled in layers of protection from the elements

Of past storms and desolate surroundings

Come settle in my garden and root facing the warmth

And brightness that only new days can provide

I will find shade where you are safe

To grow and thrive and bend in the breeze

There is no fence and no locked gates

All she has to do is find that space

Where she too will know

What a beautiful part of our world

She is and will forever remain

Strong and steady in this forever tended to

Garden Of Roses

 

 

 

 

 

Sign of Love

She had learned it in kindergarten last year…pointing to her chest…then making that sign…pointing to me…

It means I love you…

I make the same sign…back to her with the exception at the end I hold up two fingers…I love you too…

She does it sometimes….around the house…gymnastics when I am watching her….she will send me the sign…I send it back…at karate class last year…shopping…at a restaurant…like a secret only her and I share…we send each other the sign….lol

They left me yesterday to go to a wedding up north….I had to work this weekend so I could not go…its still hard for me to watch her go places w/out me…I HAVE to watch her leave w/ her dad when he gets her…I have no choice…but I dont know why….when she leaves me….this feeling creeps up in my stomach…

I always  get her ready….clothes…bottle of water…activities for the car…whatever…then its like I cant seem to hug her tight enough….kiss her enough…and maybe its because I have lost people I love dearly….but images of things happening go through my mind….and I wont be with her to help her if they do…

Will a deer jump out?….will there be a drunk on the road?…will he not watch her close enough when she goes to the potty?….will she come home safely to me?…these thoughts race through my head….its my biggest fear in life…maybe when she drives away….that it will be the last time I see her…

I always say a silent little prayer… I hold her face in my hands…kiss her forehead…and I am sure to say it every time…I love you my baby…be safe…and I never let her see my fear…

Maybe yesterday….she sensed me wanting to go….or sensed my worry…I dont know…sometimes I think I think too much….lol…

But as I stood on the front porch….waiting for them to drive away….the back window went down….I saw her smiling face….and she gave me the sign…

I never wanted

 

I never wanted….

to have a man in my life right now…

I never wanted…..

to get so close to someone….they would see…..me

I never wanted….

to spend time with someone…every day

I never wanted….

to laugh about life….and my heart to laugh too….

I never wanted….

to be attracted to someone…who intimidated me….

I never wanted….

to ache….at night….to touch him…

I never wanted….

to dream of his arms wrapped around me…

I never wanted…

to hear my name…and every nerve in my body come alive…

I never wanted….

to cry over a man ever again…

I never wanted….

to share my fantasies…my dreams…my life…

I never wanted…

to think of someone so much….my head hurt…

I never wanted…

to be in love….

 

But…

I am….*smiles*

and now…

I want it all….

Written 12/3/07 for my DH who still is all I ever need

 

Moments

 

I have been feeling homesick lately….18 months now in Wisconsin and the cold is starting to set in for another winter and I miss Kentucky. Sometimes I just get hit with that feeling in my stomach….maybe its the thought I still have my home there and it is NOT selling….maybe its the weather….maybe its my family would be closer if I was there….holidays approaching….dont know…but I am homesick…

I have discussed the possibility of moving back….would he go with me….I think he would if I insisted…he loves me that much…but he doesnt really want to go…then there is my daughter…would she take another big move in her life…how traumatic would that be…I know he would have to go with us….neither one of us could survive without him…he is our life now…our family….

So I approached my daughter about moving…mentioning it….OH NO…adamantly she made it clear….she wanted no part of it….she loves it here…and true…she has thrived here…..making friends….finding strength with him in her life….finally that family she needed….~smiles~…she is happy here…I know that in my heart….but I still had to ask….for me….

Then came the moment….

You know those moments….when your children say or do something and you have nothing….you just look at them in awe or disbelief and you have nothing to reply….no response….you know they have beaten you or gotten the inside track cause….you find yourself with nothing….

We were in the car….talking….about moving…me pleading my case and reasoning….and finally I said….dont you ever get tired of being cold all the time??

The angelic voice floated to me from the back….serious….yet firm…

“Its never cold Mommy….when you are near family and friends…”

What??? You working for Hallmark now?? I know my eyes rolled and my mouth opened….and nothing came out…how do you answer that?? Her heart was speaking….and I could not tear it down….it was beautiful….sentimental…and my mouth shut….not another word about moving has been spoken from my lips…probably wont be mentioned again for awhile at least…but  I wont forget our car ride that day…

It was one of “those”….you know….the ones you always remember…

the Moments…

Hope Floats

Just a little blog I had posted on 360 once back in 2007…for a friend of mine who still today battles leukemia…to remind us all….hope floats…in all of our hearts…

If you can look at the sunset and smile,
then you still have hope…

If you can find beauty in the colors of a small flower,
then you still have hope…

If you can find pleasure in the movement of a butterfly,
then you still have hope…

If the smile of a child can still warm your heart,
then you still have hope…

If you can see the good in other people,
then you still have hope…

If the rain breaking on a roof top can still lull you to sleep,
then you still have hope…

If the sight of a rainbow still makes you stop and stare in wonder,
then you still have hope…

If the soft fur of a favored pet still feels pleasant under your fingertips,
then you still have hope…

If you meet new people with a trace of excitement and optimism,
then you still have hope…

If you give people the benefit of a doubt,
then you still have hope…

If you still offer your hand in friendship to others that have touched your life,
then you still have hope…

If receiving an unexpected card or letter still brings a pleasant surprise,
then you still have hope…

If the suffering of others still fills you with pain and frustration,
then you still have hope…

If you refuse to let a friendship die, or accept that it must end,
then you still have hope…

If you look forward to a time or place of quiet and reflection,
then you still have hope…

If you still buy the ornaments, put up the Christmas tree or cook the turkey,
then you still have hope…

If you still watch love stories or want the endings to be happy,
then you still have hope…

If you can look to the past and smile,
then you still have hope….
If, when faced with the bad, when told everything is futile,
you can still look up and end the conversation with the phrase … yeah….BUT. .
Then you still have hope…

Hope is such a marvelous thing.
It bends, it twists, it sometimes hides, but rarely does it break… It sustains us when nothing else can…
It gives us reason to continue and courage to move ahead, when we tell ourselves we’d rather give in…
Hope puts a smile on our face when the heart cannot manage…
Hope puts our feet on the path when our eyes cannot see it…
Hope moves us to act when our souls are confused of the direction… .
Hope is a wonderful thing, something to be cherished and nurtured, and something that will refresh us in return… And it can be found in each of us, and it can bring light into the darkest of places…
Never lose hope…
(author unknown)