Hi and uggh….and Happy Halloween

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I have not been around much lately….the summer was busy…getting school started was busy…and then there is this feeling I have….just this ugggh…of so many things around me…is it disgust??

Is it anger??

Is it just frustation?

Or is it that I find the ignorance around me to just be too much….I wash my hands of it…I have never enjoyed conflict or disagreement…but in my heart…people make me want to scream…

Parents at horse shows who believe because they pay alot of money…their children deserve better treatment and higher placed ribbons…ugggh

Friends who believe they can just pop in and out of your life like your a department store…only there to provide them with something when they need it….ugggh

Family who believe you have no life and have just soo much time to do things they need you to do…on short notice…when you have a child w/ lots of activities but oh no…please let me just do what you need ok….ugggh

Organic green lovers who I admire and respect mind you…but your life is better than mine because I dont live that way??? your child is smarter and healthier why?? ugggh…please

I could go on….politicians….the ebola scare…ugggh ugggh ugggh

Then I decide to visit here tonight…and I read…and I bite my tongue…its never good to begin religious discussion w/ others…its just a mess…but I read a blog about Halloween and how it glorifies evil and we should not subject our children to it…and it glorifies death and its against God and I just decided I wanted to scream…we could go into the history of Halloween or the fun its supposed to be for the young children…its not supposed to be some deep holiday to hang alot of thought into…
but in the end…please remember to read your Bible…it is filled w/ death…it is filled w/ violence and evil and suffering and slavery and all sorts of things…but it leads those with faith to rise above and find strength and wisdom in God and peace for our hearts…so please dont tell me we are subjecting our children to evil by allowing them to dress up and go out for candy…UGGGHHHH

the world out there….the reality…is the world is filled with evil..its up to us as parents to help them find their way to overpower it…to give them hope…help them find faith…

and to pick the costume…w/ a sword to defeat all evil….hehehhee

Happy Halloween…to all…

Distant

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The distance never mattered with us….

No matter the miles….you were always close in my heart….

Now it’s different…

It’s not so much the “distance” you are from me…

It’s more…

how “distant” you are to me…

 

I miss you

Daydream

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I have always been a dreamer…dreaming of places I would like to visit….people I would like to meet….and sometimes…I just daydream of things…childhood dreams…adult dreams…I remember daydreaming about being a horse jockey when I was younger….then I got too tall..

I remember in my teen years….I dreamed of being a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader…..but then I never quite developed the upper body for that position….giggling

Sometimes even today….I will sit and think of things I wish I had learned to do….or wish I could still do….and there is one….one daydream that draws me in rather consistently…

Pole dancing….there is something so erotic about it….yet have you watched some of these women…they are very talented and limber and flexible…it is quite the workout…for the entire body…

I dream of a total body workout like that sometimes….the focus of your entire being…on a single hard object….it feels cool on your hot skin…smooth to the touch….I dream of everything I would do….

every position…

every touch of it…

every part of my body that would touch it…

sighs…

yea…I guess I should get back to work….

ever have a daydream like that?

what is yours?

hugs and kisses to you all….
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Just Another Day

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It really is just another day like any other really….

Except in two days…others will remind me…with their sincerest wishes for a happy one…

Its the day I entered the world…the day I gave my parents joy…

Its the day their divorce became final when I was 12….the day my father had brain surgery when I was 16….only to pass away on October 9th…

Its a day that I smile….accept the wishes and the gifts w/ appreciation

Its a day I like to stay home….wondering what other terrible thing may happen on this particular day…wanting simply to curl up and watch a movie…

Its a day I sit….think…reflect….happy for the blessings I have….sad for those I have lost…

Its nice to have birthdays….especially when your young and excited about what another year brings…

For me…I feel old….tired..

Ready to sleep…

It really is…

Just another day..

An Acquaintance

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Acquaintance—a person whom one knows who is not a particularly close friend

Friend—one attached to another by affection or esteem

I guess I need to remind myself sometimes of these differences….

Remember when you were young and you maybe hung with a crowd…you got to know new people based on who dated who or someones cousin or the friend of a friend kinda thing…maybe you did things often….maybe you spent lots of days or evenings experiencing life with these people…maybe your best friend married their best friend…you get my meaning right??

Now what if like twenty years later….you run across one of these people….maybe with social media of today like facebook….or you see them at a reunion….or maybe when you visit home, you just run into them at the mall or something…

I would be so happy to see some of those people again….I would want to pull up a chair or start a fire and grab some beers and sit with them and talk…share their journey…meet their family through pictures or stories or in person….my heart would warm at memories of past years and I would feel warm towards them now…

But I guess sometimes…..I have to remember that maybe even back then….20 years ago….maybe they didnt want to know me….besides just the social get togethers…and its possible that now….20 years later…they still dont…besides the smile and the oh hey…how ya doing…where you at….nice to see you bye thing….thats all they desire….maybe their hearts dont warm at the memories at all….I guess I have to remind myself of these things…kinda makes me sad….I will always feel warm towards them regardless…I love all my memories…they have made me who I am today…

So I have to step back….let it go….they didnt want to really get to know me then….and they dont want to really wish to know who I am now so I have to be ok with that….remind myself….that maybe they never were a friend…

They were and are merely…

An acquaintance..

Renewal

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We stay quiet too long sometimes….hoping the things will pass….go away…

We dont want to admit that maybe….our thoughts go to places that we feel sad…lonely…out of place….

We smile on the outside….our lives are happy….and we believe that….

but sometimes….even for a brief moment in time….we are tired….maybe angry….perhaps sad or lost….and we must find that peace again in our heart and minds…sometimes we must find it ourselves…sometimes others help us….

for me….its inside of me….my quiet place….where no one can enter….I must find it for myself….

then I am renewed again….

Smiles….a hot bath in candlelight helps too…

September

What a month….busy….challenging….full of laughter….maddening even…

The end of summer….school began and we still are reaching for a routine….struggling…..disliking our teacher…already a note sent home because she and another girl passed notes in class…ugggh….

We now have 2…yes I said 2….puppies….one is so animated you just smile every time you see her…the other a white cottonball of fluff….challenging having 2 puppies to teach and take care….but love fills the house every day along with laughter…

I celebrated a birthday little over a week ago….causing reflection….tears…worries….ok since I always worry then lets say more worries….wondering what now?? am I really happy??

Theres been some personal losses…..some personall stressors….we leave for vacation next Sunday to the Grand Canyon and I feel it…. a relief for just those few days to escape…to regroup….to rethink….

I drove my daughter today to the barn….what a beautiful day it was….the trees beginning to change….always makes me think of change….how my life has changed….how it continues to change….sometimes more vibrant….sometimes dull but constantly changing…old worries replaced with new ones…some worries just blowing away like a weak leaf caught by a wind….how I love this time of year….the changes…the beauty…

I thought of our puppies…only a few leaves have fallen in our yard but its enough….they go out and when the wind blows you watch them…jumping and chasing and rolling….the white cottonball we call Sophie had a leaf stuck to the end of her nose…she kept jumping and yipping at it like she could catch it….over and over she tried to catch it….by the time it blew off her nose…she had lost interest and moved on to another one….my thoughtful mind wonders how often we do that….want something so badly and try and try to get it and then just let it fall when its within our grasp….then I laugh at the thoughts and just enjoy watching her catch another leaf….

Then my princess…after almost two years…overcoming the slight fears….grasping the challenge…on a beautiful fall day….on a beautiful horse…she jumped over a jump…then another…then another….I paced like a nervous mom around the barn door….unable to sit….she went around the course….over 9 jumps…I could see the smile in her eyes even though her mouth was tight in concentration….it was thrilling for her…and when I heard her ask her trainer….Can I do it again?? ….I know she met the challenge….like all of us find our ways to meet challenges…..

Sometimes we are not handed things in this life….sometimes we must chase them….pursue them…grasp them….its the only way to achieve our dreams…..

Smiles….and this is only…

September….lol

Hugs and kisses

Jets

I look in amazement…in awe…

Each strong and with purpose as they make their way across the sky..

Wondering from where they came…
Wondering where they will go…

Some travel alongside one another…
Others veer off in their own directions..

And then there are those that cross over the lines…casting their light across others….sharing in the sky..

I smile watching their directions…

I like to watch…

Eventually…they dissipate…the strength of their paths becomes distant…

It saddens me…knowing…

The flight..

Is over…

Just Saying….

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“The truth may hurt for a little while but a lie hurts forever.” Author Unknown

 

“You can never find yourself unless you face the truth.”  Pearl Bailey

 

For whatever reasons we justify our actions…whether we are afraid to be rejected or ridiculed….whether we dont want to hurt or worry another….whether we just wish to hide or conceal…there is no excuse to not be truthful and honest…

 

Just saying….