A lesson learned

22This is for my baby…I thought I might just do some journal like entries to save for you my baby…memories of days we shared…

I watched you with pride this evening. I cried as I always do when you achieve something.  I watched you learn something this evening and that lesson reminded me of the many things I have yet to learn. I learn so much from you along the way. You remind me what is important…what we should all strive for…what makes our hearts beat…you are the reason I wake up each day…just to hear your laugh and see you smile…

Anyways…mommy is babbling…sometimes I feel guilty and blame myself for possibly holding you back physically from becoming maybe as strong and flexible and limber as others your age. When you broke your arm…when you were 2 1/2 at your dads house…it killed me inside…watching your baby scream in pain…I never wanted you to hurt that way again…so I became so protective…when you climbed too high…or wanted to jump from too far…I would grab you…catch you…stop you…and now I see maybe I should have let you do those things…so you would be braver…so you could do them without fear…maybe I should have…

This second year of gymnastics for you has been a challenge…the first year you got to experience the different equipment…but there was no real skill expected of you…but this year..ribbons are awarded for skills achieved…the last 2 weeks you have watched the others…not all of the other girls get all of the ribbons…but most have gotten one or two or more…and you try…and you will get to that point as your skills develop…but for now…you watch some of the others get their ribbons each week and you sit…I  have wanted to protect this hurt I think you feel inside…I have asked you if you wish to step down to a more easier class…you have said NO…I want to learn it…what can I do to get better Mommy??…it will take practice I tell you…stick with it…dont give up…its like reading a book…some will learn to read quicker than others…doesnt mean  you wont learn…may just take you a bit longer…so you have returned each week to gymnastics….you still enjoy it…you still try so hard…and then tonight…

I watched your instructor Melissa…handing out turquoise ribbons…she came close to you and your hand reached up…but she handed it to the child behind you….for a second my heart dropped seeing your face….your hands returning to your lap to once again just watch as others achieved what you kept trying to achieve…then Melissa reached down to you…and handed you a turquoise ribbon…my eyes immediately teared up as your eyes met mine…as they always do when you do something wonderful…you smiled and flashed me that ribbon like you had just won the best prize in the world…and my heart overflowed….with love…and pride…and happiness for you..

Today was not about so much getting that ribbon….which you went home and proudly displayed on your bulletin board….with a note you made saying “My firts gimnastic ribin”…it wasnt the ribbon baby….that made your mommy proud of you today….it was you…not giving up…not running and being afraid anymore…not feeling left out…it was your heart…that stayed in there…that kept trying….for more…your perseverence and want of something you knew you could achieve…if you kept reaching…yes…the ribbon was beautiful….but you were even more so…

For me…it reminds me tonight…we will never be given a  bushel of apples to just sit and enjoy on a summer day….but if we climb that ladder…one step at a time and reach up for the one apple we really want…and we reach and reach until it is in our grasp…it is then we enjoy the taste of it even more…

A lesson learned….

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3 thoughts on “A lesson learned

  1. saffy says:

    ~wipes away a tear~ As parents we can only guide our children & hope for the best…hope they are happy…as they teach us how to be better people along the way. ~hugs for a beautiful Mommy~ xxx

  2. summerrain63 says:

    I thank you dear Saffy for always the great comments and encouragement…its a trait of mine…always questioning if I do the right things….a worrier I am….but I do learn so much from her…I tend to run when things get hard or challenging….

    Anyways….its amazing how much love I feel for her…..simply amazing…

    Hugs you tight…love having you around….smiles…yep…daft sod I am at times…hehehehe

  3. saffy says:

    Psssstttt….i’ll let you into a secret…i didn’t want children as i worried i would make a crap mum, as i didn’t have the best example to follow…so yes i worried from the moment i conceived my daughter & don’t think as parents we ever stop…believe me life as a mum gets even more challenging & no you can’t run from that…it is my firm believe that children teach us what unconditional love is all about…

    As for being a daft sod…tis not a term i use lightly…hehehe

    ~hugs you tight~ xxx

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